Frank probably would have been content to live in this limbo for a long time. He wasn't a husband and father any longer, but he wasn't divorced yet either. There was still hope that Bill would have an accident or something. Maybe he would fall down the stairs or slip in the tub. Weren't old people always doing that stuff?
It was Saturday and Frank's day off from the phone store. He was having a little picnic in his car and listening to the Phillies game on the radio down the street from the house. He was enjoying the last few bites of his Wawa hoagie and his third Bud when he saw Kat's Cadillac STS coming up the street. He saw Eric in the back seat too. They must be coming from his soccer game, he looked rumpled and sweaty. Hmmm, wonder if Eric is practicing his passing. Eric loved dribbling the ball and shooting for the goal all by himself. He thought he was the whole team. Frank and Eric had been working with the coach on passing too, even though Eric didn't think he needed to do that. "But Dad! Why do I have to pass it, when they're just going to miss the goal? Fine, if you really want us to lose . . ."
Frank wasn't really thinking things through here; if he could see them, they could probably see him too. He actually almost waved. Kind of like a half-mast wave when you're not sure if the other person is going to wave back so you just do it half-way so you don't look like a weirdo waving at nobody. That is until they locked eyes. Kat looked at Frank like a wolf locks eyes with it's prey. He was sitting there just part of the herd a minute ago, but now he was the prey and it was his wake-up call. Frank realized that he probably shouldn't hang around and see what happens next. He started up the engine of his old red Wrangler and hightailed it out of there. Maybe he could make it back to the house and he would just say, "Nope, wasn't me, I was here all afternoon watching The Great Escape, officer." He made his way out of the neighborhood and pulled out onto the pike toward Upper Darby. The more he thought about what he had done, the more panicked he became; he sped up a bit. He knew Kat too. She didn't let him get away with anything. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." Frank was a tough guy and didn't back down from much, but there was one thing he didn't like at all, cops. They seemed to have a sixth sense for guys like him. Like in the movie, They Live starring Rowdy Roddy Piper, except Frank is the alien and the cops always have their glasses on. Even when he wasn't doing anything at all, he would get nervous and sweaty when there was an officer about and suddenly he looked like he was up to something. He was never the guy who got the brim touch and "nice day." He would get the laser beam look like they wanted to ask him to show his ID.
I wonder if cops practice their looks like supermodel Derek Zoolander played by Ben Stiller. He had four faces, Blue Steel, Ferrari, LeTigre, and his secret weapon, not to be used casually for it was too potent, Magnum. I think they use Blue Steel for everyday routine stops, maybe LeTigre on a pretty girl, Ferrari during a chase and they save Magnum for Frank.
He got about a mile down the pike when he heard them coming for him. There were two cars with sirens blazing. Delaware County Police don't take too kindly to men who violate their Protection From Abuse orders. The children and womenfolk need to be protected from guys like this. Frank made his way to the shoulder before they even got behind him. One car pulled up behind and the other one got in front, just in case he panicked and made a run for it. Unfortunately, Frank never cleaned his car out from the last few nights beer cans in the back seat. That was the first thing they saw. "Sir, could you please step out of the car?"
"Sir, are you aware that your wife has taken out a Protection From Abuse Order against you?" "Umm, I think so." "Sir, were you at your wife's house today?" "Uhhh, uhh . . ." "Sir, can you tell me what you were doing there?" "Uhh, just, uhhh" "Sir, do you realize that it is considered a crime to come in contact with your wife?" "Uhmm." "Sir, do you like the term repetitive redundancies?" "Ummm" "Sir, are you aware of I before E except after C?" "Uh, yeah" "Sir, gorp murf floop with you?" What the hell? Their words stopped making sense about five minutes ago. "Sir, have you had anything to drink today?" "Uh just a, just a, umm . . . beer." "Sir, can you step over here and I want you to take nine steps heel to toe, then turn and do the same thing coming back." "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to arrest you for suspicion of DUI and for violating the PFA that your wife has."
Frank was handcuffed and placed in the back of the first car. "Sir, would you like to call anyone?" "Uh, yeah, uh . . . Dave uh Brennan."
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