Tuesday, July 31, 2012

11: How to Manage Your Anger

"Hello Frank? This is Tammy Cavalier. Where are you?" "Oh, uh, hi, uh, I'm in Florida. Thought I'd spend a few days in Disney." Frank was actually enjoying the Main Street Electrical Parade when Tammy called.  "How's everything going? Am I going to see the kids soon?"
"Well, Frank, your wife just called the police. She says she saw you driving past the house."
"What? You're kidding. Tell them I wasn't there. Tell them I'm in Florida. I can show them my ticket when I get back." Frank was thrown off balance.
"Frank, there's a warrant out for your arrest." Tammy said soberly.
"You're shitting me."
"Don't worry, Frank, just come to my office when you get back and we'll go to the station. I'll call and tell them that you are coming in when you get back. We'll get it all straightened out. Try and enjoy the rest of your trip." Tammy said ironically.
"Uh, yeah, sure, I'll be home Friday."
Despite Tammy's command that Frank enjoy the next two days, Frank just couldn't. He was worried and angry. How could Kat do this to him?

Frank turned himself in to the police and was processed and released on bail. He still had to go to court and prove that he was in Florida, another expense he could ill afford. Even innocent people have to pay court costs and lawyers fees. He also had a skeptical eye from the police officer who came to court. Once an offender, always an offender, is how they felt. "Frank, you probably would like to hear some good news about now. We have a court date for your petition for visitation." Tammy said positively.

The hearing on Frank's request for visitation came quickly. It is held in Family Court in front of a lawyer who acts as a judge and is called a Master. According to Delaware County Courthouse web page, the program was "Pioneered in Delaware County and necessitated by an ever-increasing caseload, the Masters programs have been developed over the years to provide the Court with the necessary and qualified assistance to dispose of the thousands of cases which are brought before it.  Masters assist the Court by hearing cases in Child Care, Juvenile Court, Domestic Relations, Custody matters, Mental Health, Divorce and certain Criminal Matters." These Masters have crowded caseloads too and don't have much time for chit-chat.

Frank and Tammy walked into a virtual lions-den. All the cards are already stacked against fathers, but especially fathers who have Protection From Abuse orders against them and in particular fathers whom have been arrested for violating those PFAs. Kat was there too. Of course she was protesting any kind of visitation. After all, she is claiming that Frank has violent tendencies and she certainly would not want her children to visit with a violent criminal. I don't think that Frank realized that this was opening a can of worms for himself. Along with visitation comes Child Support and since Frank did not have custody, it would probably be set at the upper range of his scale.

The hearing was moving along so quickly, Frank could barely keep up with what was happening. Tammy told Frank to bring a pay stub from the Sprint Store so they could see how much money he was earning. Frank had taken a big pay cut from two and a half years ago when he was selling computers for AT&T. With bonuses and salary, Frank was bringing in close to $120,000. That was then, this is now. The only job Frank was able to find was the Sprint Store and he was barely hanging onto that. His hours had been cut back and he felt like the other employees were making all the sales. He felt like his manager was favoring fellow employees over him. In retrospect, this was probably true, as Frank's language skills had declined and he just couldn't seem to find the words he was looking for. He knew what he wanted to say, but the correct words just wouldn't come to the top of his head. He would find substitute words, but sometimes, it just didn't sound right. He would also use filler words and phrases like, "stuff like that" and "you know" more and more frequently. Frank now worked for $15 per hour, and he was lucky if he had 40 hours a week any longer. As his performance declined, so did his hours at the store.

The Master looked at Frank's pay stub. He also looked at the tax return from two years ago that Kat brought to show that Frank had previously earned four times his current salary. "Mr. Layton, just two years ago you were earning a very competitive salary. Do you think that you are capable of earning this salary again?" "Oh yeah, I can do anything. I had a great job, I traveled alot, stuff like that, I went here and did stuff, you know, talked to the people. I'm a salesman, I can do anything." Frank's old pride and  confidence was misguided here. He comes by it honestly though, he gets it from his father. I call it "Laytonacity". It's that feeling of assurance one has when they feel they can accomplish anything they  put their mind to, but they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject to back this up.  As in, "I know how to paint a 1961 Chevy Bel Air station wagon better than that body shop and for alot less money. C'mon kids, pick up a brush." or "Boys, today we're going to build you guys a play room. Siding? Why we don't need siding. We can do the plywood and the siding all in one layer with these great panelling sheets. Everybody pick up a sheet and lets get it done!"

This is not what Frank should have been saying, but Tammy's too tight spandex skirt must have cut off the circulation to her brain; she just sat there rummaging through her purse looking for gum or taking inventory of her sponges or something, and let him chatter on about what a great a provider he is. "Well, since Mr. Layton feels he is capable of earning $120,000 per year and feels that he can still provide that, I will set Child Support at $1000 per month for the children." The Defendant is protesting visitation at this time. I recommend that Mr. Layton go through Anger Management Counseling before there is any discussion of visitation."

"OK Tammy, when do I get the kids." Frank still hadn't quite realized what happened. He thought he said all the right things and did a great job speaking up about what a great provider he is. He was already planning on putting Frances and Eric back in their old rooms in his little empty house. He was looking forward to making dinner together again and going to some Sixers games, and . . .
"I'm sorry Frank, you'll need to call Family Court and make arrangements with the counselor for Anger Management first. Then we'll come back and try again. In the meantime, you'll have to make arrangements to pay your support or have it taken from your paycheck." Tammy explained to a bewildered Frank in her most professional voice. "Listen, I have another client that I have to meet, so, I mean it, if you need me, just call. Here's my card. I gotta run, but call me if you need anything." Tammy took off like a prom dress, in a hurry to scat before Frank came to his senses.

Crestfallen, Frank just sat in the drivers seat of the old Jeep and tried to comprehend what just happened.   This morning he was happy and full of hope and again it was all dashed to the ground. Only now he had bills to pay. How was he supposed to manage to pay his bills when more than half his pay was disappearing, and he still couldn't see Frances and Eric.  He examined the wad of pamphlets for Anger Management classes in the area.  It was surprising how many different classes there were. Apparently there were many angry people in Delaware County, PA.


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