Ever since Frank told Kat the sad story of his biological mother, Kat was on a hunt to find the long lost Kennedy family. They ordered a death certificate, they spent hours at the public library searching for a newspaper article that would give a clue to where the family lived and a public account of the story. They mostly came up with nothing though. Matt and I would listen, but Matt wasn't interested in digging up any trouble. He also didn't want to risk hurting Terry's feelings. Her story was that Frank Sr. didn't want to talk about it and she didn't know anything. Frank Sr. died a year after Matt had discovered the birth certificates, so they never had the opportunity to ask any questions of him.
Ironically, it was through Matt that Frank and Kat connected with "the others", as we called them. One day, out of the blue, Matt got an email from his mother's sister's daughter; or his first cousin. She said that she had been looking for him and his brothers and she found an email address for Matt somehow. Initially, he was going to ignore it, but I convinced him that it would be good to talk to them. If it would give them comfort to know that the boys were fine after the traumatic past, it would be worth it. They emailed back and forth and he even got an email from his mother's sister. They gave lots of details about the family and what happened and how they lost touch. Matt was happy that he corresponded with them, I think it gave him closure too. He gave his brother's their email adresses and they all decided to say hello. It was Frank and Kat that took it a step further and met them. They visited the aunt's home several times and were invited to some kind of family reunion. Kat told me that Matt and I were invited also. I wanted to go, simply out of curiosity, and convinced Matt that we should go and at least meet them. As I expected though, Frank and Kat couldn't remember where it was and promised they would give us the address, but they never did. They were keeping "the others" all to themselves for some reason. I thought that they wanted to reinvent themselves as the people that they wanted to be and Matt and I might ruin their fantasy if we were to intrude. These people became their new family and that was when Frank called Terry and told her that he no longer considered her his mother. Years later when Frank talked about them, his language had deteriorated to a point where he didn't have as many words at his disposal; all he could say of his fascination with them was "they look like us". This seemed important to him. He also told me once that he could call the aunt if I wanted him to, but that she had told him that he and Kat were causing too much trouble, and not to call them any more. He said that Kat would start fights with him, then call the aunt to complain about him.
After Frank called to reconnect after all those years had gone by, we got together at Terry's house. She had moved back from North Carolina and lived about five miles from Matt and me. Frank filled us in on all that had happened to him with the divorce and he was just so distraught about not being able to spend time with Frances and Eric. The protection from abuse order had been renewed every year and he had no hope of seeing them, but it didn't stop him from talking about them almost incessantly. We heard the same stories over and over again. His favorite story he told me every time was when he had a small window in between PFA orders and he went to Eric's soccer game. He stood on the field cheering on Eric, when Kat came up and began shouting that he was not allowed to be there. She struck him and pushed him and actually knocked him down on the field. The police arrived and asked him to leave. He attempted to complain about the physical confrontation from Kat, but the police weren't interested in pursuing her at that time. The PFA was renewed and that was the embarrassing end of being a soccer dad. Frank told me this story almost every time he visited.
We knew something was amiss with Frank though. There was almost something creepy. There was a vacant look in his eye and the vocabulary was missing. He used the phrase ". . . and stuff like that" to end almost every sentence. We felt sympathy for him, but Terry was still angry. She was happy living in blissful ignorance of Frank's new problems and was worried that he would try to draw her into them. She said "I just wish he had stayed away.". She wasn't about to let herself get hurt again, and no one knew him better than she.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
18: Secrets Revealed
Every family has their secrets. Some are small and some are not. The one Mr. and Mrs. Layton were hiding was a doozy. One day when Matt was 15 years old, he was looking around in his father's desk for his scissors and he accidentally discovered that the small drawer in the middle that was normally locked was not. He was always curious what could be in that little drawer, jewels, gold, pirate treasure, secrets. Matt silently slid open the drawer and found nothing but some old papers inside. He carefully lifted them out and unfolded them. They were birth certificates for himself and his brothers. Each one had his brothers names written in scripted fountain pen with their birth dates and parents names and a large raised seal of the state of Pennsylvania. That was odd because Matt thought they had always lived in New Jersey. This said they were born in Philadelphia. That wasn't the strangest thing though. Matt couldn't stop staring, "Father's Name: Francis Layton" "Mother's Name: Margaret Kennedy". This was too big to keep to himself. "Are we adopted?" Matt wondered silently. He gingerly refolded the certificates and put them back in the drawer. He decided he would show his oldest brother Vincent. He was 18, soon to be 19, he would know what to do.
"Yeah, I know." That's what Vincent said when Matt told him about the birth certificates. "Dad told me when I turned 18. He told me not to talk about it and he would tell you guys when you turn 18." "Well what does it mean, why isn't our mother's name Teresa?" Matt wanted to know. Vincent whispered, "When you were a baby, our mother committed suicide. Mom isn't our real mom, but she is because she adopted us." Matt felt like he was just hit by a 200 pound middle linebacker. He just stood there dumbly staring at Vincent. "Mom, who makes the best meatloaf in the world. Mom, who was everyone's favorite school cafeteria lady. Mom, who was our cub scout pack's den mother. Mom, who organized our football teams' fundraisers. Mom, who loved me best of all and everyone knew it." All these thoughts swirled in Matt's head and he didn't know what to say. Vincent said, "So what, she's still our mom. Don't tell Marty and Frank, Dad wants to be the one to tell them." Matt went back to his room and shut the door. He felt like he was just punched in the gut. He couldn't even look at his mom right now, she would know that he knew. She always knew everything, she just had a knack for finding out everything she wasn't supposed to find out about. Matt tried to keep it to himself, but it was too big and he needed to talk about it with someone. Vincent didn't seem to care and didn't want to talk about it any longer.
A few days later, with their parents out at the neighbor's house for the evening, Matt couldn't keep it in any longer. He told Frank what he found and showed him the birth certificates in the secret drawer. He told Frank what Vincent had told him and made him promise not to tell their other brother, 17 year old Marty. He felt relieved to be able to share the secret. It was like carrying a heavy weight around and telling it almost made him feel like the weight was lifted and shared with both of them now. Frank was as shocked as Matt was and for some reason, watching Frank react, as he had himself had just a few days ago made Matt feel like he could breathe again.
Matt should have known not to share secrets with Frank. His middle name is Impulsive. He couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it, and knowing their dad and his temper, it might. The very first time Frank got angry at their mom, he blurted out "I don't have to listen to you, you're not even my real mother!". Everyone stopped frozen and Frank realized what he had done, but it was too late. Terry didn't even have the strength to yell back, in fact she couldn't even make a sound. The secret that she lived with every minute of every day was finally out. She loved those boys from the tops of their sandy heads to the bottom of their little monkey toes. Never did she ever feel that she wasn't their real mother, but she was somehow terrified of the day that the secret was out. The fear of rejection was behind it. Would they still love her? Would they respect her? The biggest fear, would they blame her?
Everyone froze for a moment. Terry stood still as tears formed in her pea green eyes. Frank instantly regretted what he had done. "I'm sorry Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it!" Everyone wished they could go back 30 seconds ago to pretending that no one knew the secret. Marty and Matt rushed to their mother's side and hugged her. Frank kept apologizing, but they weren't sure if he was upset at making Terry cry or for worrying about what their dad would do when he found out. Terry composed herself, wiped away the tears and told the boys that they would have to have a talk when their dad came home.
Frank got over it quick though. Within five minutes he was on the phone with his girlfriend Patty. They were together constantly. If they weren't together, they were talking on the phone. Matt was happy that it was time for him to go to work flipping burgers at Walgreen's lunch counter. He needed to escape the tension and do something to take it off his mind. Their dad, Frank Sr. was waiting when he got home later though. He wasn't mad, so much as sad and disappointed that Frank would use it against Terry the first chance he got. I guess it says something about his character that he would though.
Their dad explained that he was working all day and going to evening classes to become an engineer back then. They lived in Philadelphia and he knew Margaret from the neighborhood. He went to the boys Catholic school and Margaret went to the girls Catholic school and they met at a dance. They fell in love but didn't marry until Margaret graduated from nursing school. They couldn't wait to start a family though and were so happy when Vincent came along. Soon Martin arrived, then Francis Junior, followed closely by Matthew. One night after he came home from night school he sat down with Margaret to discuss their day and enjoy the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree that was still up in January. Margaret said she was tired and was going to bed. Frank Sr. fell asleep on the couch and when he awoke an hour later and went up to bed he found Margaret hanging by one of his ties in the shower. He never knew why she did it. She never threatened to kill herself and despite being very close to her family, no one saw it coming. She left no note. Their dad went on to say that he knew Terry from work and everyone loved her. Everyone at work knew about the tragedy and while some people were very nice, some people avoided him now for fear of saying the wrong thing. It was Terry who was the kindest. She always had a nice thing to say and always asked how the family was doing. It was the natural thing to become closer and the more he got to know her the more he knew that she would be the perfect wife and mother for his children. It would be a lot to ask, almost too much for some people, but Terry couldn't wait to slip into this family and take over. She loved the children as if they were her own, but Matthew, being a baby still, stole her heart and never let it go.
"Yeah, I know." That's what Vincent said when Matt told him about the birth certificates. "Dad told me when I turned 18. He told me not to talk about it and he would tell you guys when you turn 18." "Well what does it mean, why isn't our mother's name Teresa?" Matt wanted to know. Vincent whispered, "When you were a baby, our mother committed suicide. Mom isn't our real mom, but she is because she adopted us." Matt felt like he was just hit by a 200 pound middle linebacker. He just stood there dumbly staring at Vincent. "Mom, who makes the best meatloaf in the world. Mom, who was everyone's favorite school cafeteria lady. Mom, who was our cub scout pack's den mother. Mom, who organized our football teams' fundraisers. Mom, who loved me best of all and everyone knew it." All these thoughts swirled in Matt's head and he didn't know what to say. Vincent said, "So what, she's still our mom. Don't tell Marty and Frank, Dad wants to be the one to tell them." Matt went back to his room and shut the door. He felt like he was just punched in the gut. He couldn't even look at his mom right now, she would know that he knew. She always knew everything, she just had a knack for finding out everything she wasn't supposed to find out about. Matt tried to keep it to himself, but it was too big and he needed to talk about it with someone. Vincent didn't seem to care and didn't want to talk about it any longer.
A few days later, with their parents out at the neighbor's house for the evening, Matt couldn't keep it in any longer. He told Frank what he found and showed him the birth certificates in the secret drawer. He told Frank what Vincent had told him and made him promise not to tell their other brother, 17 year old Marty. He felt relieved to be able to share the secret. It was like carrying a heavy weight around and telling it almost made him feel like the weight was lifted and shared with both of them now. Frank was as shocked as Matt was and for some reason, watching Frank react, as he had himself had just a few days ago made Matt feel like he could breathe again.
Matt should have known not to share secrets with Frank. His middle name is Impulsive. He couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it, and knowing their dad and his temper, it might. The very first time Frank got angry at their mom, he blurted out "I don't have to listen to you, you're not even my real mother!". Everyone stopped frozen and Frank realized what he had done, but it was too late. Terry didn't even have the strength to yell back, in fact she couldn't even make a sound. The secret that she lived with every minute of every day was finally out. She loved those boys from the tops of their sandy heads to the bottom of their little monkey toes. Never did she ever feel that she wasn't their real mother, but she was somehow terrified of the day that the secret was out. The fear of rejection was behind it. Would they still love her? Would they respect her? The biggest fear, would they blame her?
Everyone froze for a moment. Terry stood still as tears formed in her pea green eyes. Frank instantly regretted what he had done. "I'm sorry Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it!" Everyone wished they could go back 30 seconds ago to pretending that no one knew the secret. Marty and Matt rushed to their mother's side and hugged her. Frank kept apologizing, but they weren't sure if he was upset at making Terry cry or for worrying about what their dad would do when he found out. Terry composed herself, wiped away the tears and told the boys that they would have to have a talk when their dad came home.
Frank got over it quick though. Within five minutes he was on the phone with his girlfriend Patty. They were together constantly. If they weren't together, they were talking on the phone. Matt was happy that it was time for him to go to work flipping burgers at Walgreen's lunch counter. He needed to escape the tension and do something to take it off his mind. Their dad, Frank Sr. was waiting when he got home later though. He wasn't mad, so much as sad and disappointed that Frank would use it against Terry the first chance he got. I guess it says something about his character that he would though.
Their dad explained that he was working all day and going to evening classes to become an engineer back then. They lived in Philadelphia and he knew Margaret from the neighborhood. He went to the boys Catholic school and Margaret went to the girls Catholic school and they met at a dance. They fell in love but didn't marry until Margaret graduated from nursing school. They couldn't wait to start a family though and were so happy when Vincent came along. Soon Martin arrived, then Francis Junior, followed closely by Matthew. One night after he came home from night school he sat down with Margaret to discuss their day and enjoy the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree that was still up in January. Margaret said she was tired and was going to bed. Frank Sr. fell asleep on the couch and when he awoke an hour later and went up to bed he found Margaret hanging by one of his ties in the shower. He never knew why she did it. She never threatened to kill herself and despite being very close to her family, no one saw it coming. She left no note. Their dad went on to say that he knew Terry from work and everyone loved her. Everyone at work knew about the tragedy and while some people were very nice, some people avoided him now for fear of saying the wrong thing. It was Terry who was the kindest. She always had a nice thing to say and always asked how the family was doing. It was the natural thing to become closer and the more he got to know her the more he knew that she would be the perfect wife and mother for his children. It would be a lot to ask, almost too much for some people, but Terry couldn't wait to slip into this family and take over. She loved the children as if they were her own, but Matthew, being a baby still, stole her heart and never let it go.
17: Change of Heart
Frank, do you want to schedule more counseling? Nicholas asked in a withering tone. He was just exhausted at this point. Nothing ever went their way in court. Whenever Mulva Fargo asked for attorney's fees she got them. When Nick asked for attorney's fees, he was denied. Several times they had gone to court only to find out that the date and time had changed with no notification to them; but somehow Kat and Fargo knew. Several times, Fargo had shown up alone and said that Kat had an emergency at work. This was all just to delay having to pay Frank and settle the divorce. Kat had no intention of giving Frank anything regardless of what a judge or court decided.
Frank once told us that Kat was so cheap that she refused to go on vacation unless they paid her something in return. She ran bus trips to New York in her spare time through the company she worked for. She would charter a bus, book a restaurant for breakfast and buy tickets for a show. She liked seeing plays in New York, and this way she could go and eat and see a show and earn extra money at the same time. Matt and I went a few times. We saw a few memorable plays and had a good time shopping in the city, but Kat's passive-aggressive personality became too much for us to bear spending that much time with her. If we walked fast, she would walk purposefully slow. If we wanted to go here, she wanted to go there. The final straw was when she told us that her next trip was to see Miss Saigon. We had heard it was a great play and were eager to see it. We paid her for our tickets and she said she would let us know the exact date, but it was either the first or second Saturday in September. The date was approaching and we hadn't heard from Kat or Frank. Matt called and left a message to let us know when the play was. No response. Matt called again, left another message. No response. Matt called every night for the week before we thought the play was. Frank answered the phone once. He said he didn't know when it was, but he would have Kat call us. She never did. Matt and I decided we should go to the bus pickup, just in case it was that day because we didn't want to waste our money. We pulled into the parking lot, and to our disappointment, no one was there. So, I guess it must be the next week. We called Kat again that morning and she finally returned the call that day to tell us, "Oh, I thought I told you it was next Saturday." I said to her, "why didn't you call, we've been calling you all week." She just replied, "Oh really, I didn't get the message." I was so angry at her, I just could not spend the day with her the next week. We gave our tickets to a good friend who had never been to New York. She took her sister and they had a wonderful day and couldn't stop thanking us.
Frank was in a bind. If he had to go to a counselor's office at $125 per session to be able to see Eric and Frances, that's what he would do. The problem was he did not have the money. Frank had been thinking about his brothers and his mother more and more. He missed them and missed having someone to talk to. He made up his mind to reach out to his mom. He had screwed up many times before and she was always there for him. He truly missed her and needed to hear her voice. Frank dialed the phone. He still had her number on his cell even though four years had passed since that day when he told her he didn't consider her his mother any longer.
Frank thought back to that day. "Frank, call your mother and tell her we want nothing to do with her." Kat nagged. Kat had been nagging and Frank, easily influenced by his loud, dominant wife, obliged. He called his mother and told her he no longer considered her his mother and wanted nothing to do with her. Terry was completely blindsided and was devastated by this call. There was no explanation or reason, just angry words that left Terry in tears. Of all the boys, it was always Frank that she was closest to. He needed the most attention and demanded more than his share. After all the boys were in college and their father had passed away, Terry moved to North Carolina. Frank visited there often. I found old pictures of Frank and Terry living it up with friends and neighbors at the little cottage Terry had bought. That's why this had Kat's hand all over it. Frank would never do this to Terry, never; but Kat would; and I think I know why.
Frank once told us that Kat was so cheap that she refused to go on vacation unless they paid her something in return. She ran bus trips to New York in her spare time through the company she worked for. She would charter a bus, book a restaurant for breakfast and buy tickets for a show. She liked seeing plays in New York, and this way she could go and eat and see a show and earn extra money at the same time. Matt and I went a few times. We saw a few memorable plays and had a good time shopping in the city, but Kat's passive-aggressive personality became too much for us to bear spending that much time with her. If we walked fast, she would walk purposefully slow. If we wanted to go here, she wanted to go there. The final straw was when she told us that her next trip was to see Miss Saigon. We had heard it was a great play and were eager to see it. We paid her for our tickets and she said she would let us know the exact date, but it was either the first or second Saturday in September. The date was approaching and we hadn't heard from Kat or Frank. Matt called and left a message to let us know when the play was. No response. Matt called again, left another message. No response. Matt called every night for the week before we thought the play was. Frank answered the phone once. He said he didn't know when it was, but he would have Kat call us. She never did. Matt and I decided we should go to the bus pickup, just in case it was that day because we didn't want to waste our money. We pulled into the parking lot, and to our disappointment, no one was there. So, I guess it must be the next week. We called Kat again that morning and she finally returned the call that day to tell us, "Oh, I thought I told you it was next Saturday." I said to her, "why didn't you call, we've been calling you all week." She just replied, "Oh really, I didn't get the message." I was so angry at her, I just could not spend the day with her the next week. We gave our tickets to a good friend who had never been to New York. She took her sister and they had a wonderful day and couldn't stop thanking us.
Frank was in a bind. If he had to go to a counselor's office at $125 per session to be able to see Eric and Frances, that's what he would do. The problem was he did not have the money. Frank had been thinking about his brothers and his mother more and more. He missed them and missed having someone to talk to. He made up his mind to reach out to his mom. He had screwed up many times before and she was always there for him. He truly missed her and needed to hear her voice. Frank dialed the phone. He still had her number on his cell even though four years had passed since that day when he told her he didn't consider her his mother any longer.
Frank thought back to that day. "Frank, call your mother and tell her we want nothing to do with her." Kat nagged. Kat had been nagging and Frank, easily influenced by his loud, dominant wife, obliged. He called his mother and told her he no longer considered her his mother and wanted nothing to do with her. Terry was completely blindsided and was devastated by this call. There was no explanation or reason, just angry words that left Terry in tears. Of all the boys, it was always Frank that she was closest to. He needed the most attention and demanded more than his share. After all the boys were in college and their father had passed away, Terry moved to North Carolina. Frank visited there often. I found old pictures of Frank and Terry living it up with friends and neighbors at the little cottage Terry had bought. That's why this had Kat's hand all over it. Frank would never do this to Terry, never; but Kat would; and I think I know why.
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