11: How to Manage Your Anger

"Hello Frank? This is Tammy Cavalier. Where are you?" "Oh, uh, hi, uh, I'm in Florida. Thought I'd spend a few days in Disney." Frank was actually enjoying the Main Street Electrical Parade when Tammy called.  "How's everything going? Am I going to see the kids soon?"
"Well, Frank, your wife just called the police. She says she saw you driving past the house."
"What? You're kidding. Tell them I wasn't there. Tell them I'm in Florida. I can show them my ticket when I get back." Frank was thrown off balance.
"Frank, there's a warrant out for your arrest." Tammy said soberly.
"You're shitting me."
"Don't worry, Frank, just come to my office when you get back and we'll go to the station. I'll call and tell them that you are coming in when you get back. We'll get it all straightened out. Try and enjoy the rest of your trip." Tammy said ironically.
"Uh, yeah, sure, I'll be home Friday."
Despite Tammy's command that Frank enjoy the next two days, Frank just couldn't. He was worried and angry. How could Kat do this to him?

Frank turned himself in to the police and was processed and released on bail. He still had to go to court and prove that he was in Florida, another expense he could ill afford. Even innocent people have to pay court costs and lawyers fees. He also had a skeptical eye from the police officer who came to court. Once an offender, always an offender, is how they felt. "Frank, you probably would like to hear some good news about now. We have a court date for your petition for visitation." Tammy said positively.

The hearing on Frank's request for visitation came quickly. It is held in Family Court in front of a lawyer who acts as a judge and is called a Master. According to Delaware County Courthouse web page, the program was "Pioneered in Delaware County and necessitated by an ever-increasing caseload, the Masters programs have been developed over the years to provide the Court with the necessary and qualified assistance to dispose of the thousands of cases which are brought before it.  Masters assist the Court by hearing cases in Child Care, Juvenile Court, Domestic Relations, Custody matters, Mental Health, Divorce and certain Criminal Matters." These Masters have crowded caseloads too and don't have much time for chit-chat.

Frank and Tammy walked into a virtual lions-den. All the cards are already stacked against fathers, but especially fathers who have Protection From Abuse orders against them and in particular fathers whom have been arrested for violating those PFAs. Kat was there too. Of course she was protesting any kind of visitation. After all, she is claiming that Frank has violent tendencies and she certainly would not want her children to visit with a violent criminal. I don't think that Frank realized that this was opening a can of worms for himself. Along with visitation comes Child Support and since Frank did not have custody, it would probably be set at the upper range of his scale.

The hearing was moving along so quickly, Frank could barely keep up with what was happening. Tammy told Frank to bring a pay stub from the Sprint Store so they could see how much money he was earning. Frank had taken a big pay cut from two and a half years ago when he was selling computers for AT&T. With bonuses and salary, Frank was bringing in close to $120,000. That was then, this is now. The only job Frank was able to find was the Sprint Store and he was barely hanging onto that. His hours had been cut back and he felt like the other employees were making all the sales. He felt like his manager was favoring fellow employees over him. In retrospect, this was probably true, as Frank's language skills had declined and he just couldn't seem to find the words he was looking for. He knew what he wanted to say, but the correct words just wouldn't come to the top of his head. He would find substitute words, but sometimes, it just didn't sound right. He would also use filler words and phrases like, "stuff like that" and "you know" more and more frequently. Frank now worked for $15 per hour, and he was lucky if he had 40 hours a week any longer. As his performance declined, so did his hours at the store.

The Master looked at Frank's pay stub. He also looked at the tax return from two years ago that Kat brought to show that Frank had previously earned four times his current salary. "Mr. Layton, just two years ago you were earning a very competitive salary. Do you think that you are capable of earning this salary again?" "Oh yeah, I can do anything. I had a great job, I traveled alot, stuff like that, I went here and did stuff, you know, talked to the people. I'm a salesman, I can do anything." Frank's old pride and  confidence was misguided here. He comes by it honestly though, he gets it from his father. I call it "Laytonacity". It's that feeling of assurance one has when they feel they can accomplish anything they  put their mind to, but they have absolutely no knowledge of the subject to back this up.  As in, "I know how to paint a 1961 Chevy Bel Air station wagon better than that body shop and for alot less money. C'mon kids, pick up a brush." or "Boys, today we're going to build you guys a play room. Siding? Why we don't need siding. We can do the plywood and the siding all in one layer with these great panelling sheets. Everybody pick up a sheet and lets get it done!"

This is not what Frank should have been saying, but Tammy's too tight spandex skirt must have cut off the circulation to her brain; she just sat there rummaging through her purse looking for gum or taking inventory of her sponges or something, and let him chatter on about what a great a provider he is. "Well, since Mr. Layton feels he is capable of earning $120,000 per year and feels that he can still provide that, I will set Child Support at $1000 per month for the children." The Defendant is protesting visitation at this time. I recommend that Mr. Layton go through Anger Management Counseling before there is any discussion of visitation."

"OK Tammy, when do I get the kids." Frank still hadn't quite realized what happened. He thought he said all the right things and did a great job speaking up about what a great provider he is. He was already planning on putting Frances and Eric back in their old rooms in his little empty house. He was looking forward to making dinner together again and going to some Sixers games, and . . .
"I'm sorry Frank, you'll need to call Family Court and make arrangements with the counselor for Anger Management first. Then we'll come back and try again. In the meantime, you'll have to make arrangements to pay your support or have it taken from your paycheck." Tammy explained to a bewildered Frank in her most professional voice. "Listen, I have another client that I have to meet, so, I mean it, if you need me, just call. Here's my card. I gotta run, but call me if you need anything." Tammy took off like a prom dress, in a hurry to scat before Frank came to his senses.

Crestfallen, Frank just sat in the drivers seat of the old Jeep and tried to comprehend what just happened.   This morning he was happy and full of hope and again it was all dashed to the ground. Only now he had bills to pay. How was he supposed to manage to pay his bills when more than half his pay was disappearing, and he still couldn't see Frances and Eric.  He examined the wad of pamphlets for Anger Management classes in the area.  It was surprising how many different classes there were. Apparently there were many angry people in Delaware County, PA.

10: Enter Attorney Number One

"Frank, man, I'd love to help, but I'm having a few problems of my own right now." Dave explained.  That was an understatement. Dave was actually suspended from practicing law for one year. This is Frank's story so I'll just say it involved the FBI, talcum powder, threatening letters, quarantines and an alleged million dollar loss of revenue at a hardware store that Dave had a beef with. Dave tried to encourage Frank by offering some help. "Call Tammy Cavalier, she advertises divorce on the hot dog cart outside the courthouse. I heard she's good. Let me know how everything goes."

The holidays were coming and Frank really wanted to get visitation privileges with his children. He took Dave's advice and made an appointment to see Tammy Cavalier. Frank told her what the problem was and Tammy was very encouraging. "Well, my office is undergoing renovation right now, so I'll have to meet you at the Roadside Diner. Ten o'clock tomorrow sound good?"

Frank arrived at the Roadside Diner on time. He ordered a coffee at the counter and sat down and waited. Fifteen minutes later, looking like she just did the walk of shame from the Pine Cone Motel, Tammy arrived. Frank watched her walk across the black and white tile floor in the wobbly ankle fashion of a woman who is wearing too big heels with too little technique. The early morning sun glistened off her sparkly polyester-blend blouse creating an almost blinding halo effect. Her overly-dyed black wavy hair was mussed like she just hugged a balloon bouquet before arriving. "Hello, you must be Frank, I'm Tammy, it's a pleasure to meet you." The smell of cologne and cigarettes wafted across the counter.  It didn't stop Frank from wondering if he should ask what she was doing later.  "Frank, I understand how difficult these things can be, but I have alot of experience in Delaware County and I'm sure we can get this all taken care of as quickly as possible." she batted her sticky, spider leg eyelashes at him sympathetically.  "Delaware County is a little different from other courthouses. We all know each other, so it's important to hire someone who has connections within the courthouse and within the legal community, and I have that.  Frank, I see that you have a PFA against you, that's pretty standard here. That's usually the first thing I do in a divorce, she just beat you to it.  We'll deal with it, it shouldn't affect the custody agreement."

Frank left with his copy of the fee agreement and a good feeling that things were looking up. He was finally going to get to visit his kids, get some of his stuff back; tools and things and that antique chair that he and Kat bought at the auction. He loved that chair and if he didn't get anything else, he wanted that chair. It almost became a symbol of everything that was taken from him and getting it back would somehow vindicate him. He would have to remember to tell Tammy to make sure he got his chair. Maybe now would be a good time to go to the Happiest Place on Earth.

Kat, Frank, Frances and Eric went to DisneyWorld a few times and they loved it. We even went with them one time. Matt and my three children are about the same ages as Frances and Eric, Frances was born right in between Blaise and Brett, and they always enjoyed hanging out with each other, so we thought this would be great fun.

Matt is a planner, not much happens by accident around here. He plans every trip out ahead of time. Every day, each hour, he knows where we'll be and how long we'll be there and where we're going next. Especially Disney. He has a plan where we are there at opening but go to the back of the park and work our way forward. Eventually the crowds catch up with us, but for a few hours we're ahead of the game. It's like a precise science to Matt to get the most pleasure out of each and every minute; even though sometimes, to me, that isn't fun. I am a little more impulsive. I  would plan less and be more spontaneous, but we probably wouldn't do as much stuff. So, I leave it all to Matt.  Kat was the planner in Frank's family. Everything went through her. Where they went, where they stayed, what airline. It was a money thing for her though. She had to maximize every dollar, I think it was her hobby. Matt called Kat to plan the trip together.  Frances answered the phone, "Hi Uncle Matt!" "Hi Frannie baby, ready for the trip?" "I'm so excited, it's going to be awesome!" she replied.  "Hey, let me speak to your mom." Frances puts the phone down and comes back a minute later, "she's not here." "Tell her to call me when she gets back so we can talk about the trip, ok Frannie?" "Ok, I will." Frances hangs up. Two days later Matt tries calling again. No answer, just an answering machine. The next night, Frances answers again. "Hey Uncle Matt." "Hey Frannie, where's your mom?" "She's here, hold on" Frances picks up the phone again. "Ummm, she said she's talking to Mema. She'll call you later." Matt tried a few more times, with no success, so he planned our trip without her. We actually stayed next door to them at the same hotel with an adjoining door. We had breakfast together the first day, then went our separate ways because Kat said they had other plans.  Once during the week we accidentally ran into them at the Animal Kingdom. They looked distressed and Frances was crying, so we went over to see what was wrong. A bird flying overhead pooped on Frances' head. It was pretty nasty. Frank and Kat were creating a scene fighting over who was going to clean her up. Frank said he couldn't take her in the men's room because she was too old, Kat refused to do it, but I don't know what her reason was. I always have a magic bag of tricks. Probably from watching Let's Make a Deal too much in my youth. If anyone needs anything, I probably have it in my purse and everyone thinks I'm brilliant. Needle and thread, bandaid and ointment, plastic monster, an entire pharmacy; it's in my purse. I pulled out my baby wipes and tried as best I could to clean Frances up. She looked up at me with big moist eyes filled with such gratitude, I was just so happy that we happened upon them. I was about to take her to the ladies room when Frank said he would take her. I guess it was out of guilt, but Kat just stood there stubbornly. I wish I could have been there for Frances more often, because I think she needed someone. 

As we were checking out of the hotel, Kat came over and whispered to me "I'm sorry Susie, but I tried to plan things with Matt, but he just wouldn't cooperate; I don't know why." I went blank for a minute, trying to figure out her angle. I knew she was lying and I thought she probably knew that I knew she was lying. So what was this about? I figured it was her usual angle of trying to pit people against each other or just trying to have a flat out argument.  I have her figured out. I know the way to frustrate Kat the most is to not react to her at all.  I played dumb and just said, "Hmmm, I'll have to talk to him" and walked away from her.

Frank went to Disney for a few days by himself to get away from the stress. He said it made him feel a little better. He probably had better company too.

9: I'll Give You Five Hundred Dollars for a Hard Boiled Egg

"Yo, Frank, don't worry, I got this. I'll get it all taken care of." Dave Brennan came to visit Frank at George W. Hill Correctional Facility where he was being held pending arraignment. "What did I tell you? That bitch was up to something. Frank, we gotta get her. I told you man, I told you. You want your house back? You want your kids back? Damn right you do. Who the fuck does she think she is? You pay all the bills, she took all the stuff, and she's got that guy in there. I'll tell you what that is, that's called marital infidelity. You know what that means? That means she gets nothing and we get everything. We got her Frank, we got her . . .  and I got pictures. You won't believe the pictures I got. I went over there and took some more too. That old guy mowing your lawn, driving your wife to the store, living in there with your kids. He might be one of them perverts too, who knows?  She thinks she's so slick with the PFA bullshit. You know Frank, I didn't want to be the one to tell you, but word is that your fuckin' bed wasn't even cold when Kat moved that guy in. Who the hell is that guy anyway? Where'd he come from; looks like her freakin' father if you ask me. Don't worry we got her Frank."

At the arraignment the judge can recommend bail or send the person to jail until the hearing. They decided that Frank wasn't violent so he posted bail and was on his way. Frank tried to get his life back into some kind of routine until the court date.

The courtroom where the hearing was held is a big room with a giant desk on a five foot platform in the front.  There are about twenty rows of benches on each side of the room with a big aisle in the middle. It looks like a church, which is appropriate because I'm sure that there's alot of praying going on in there. They call your name and if you are out on bail you're sitting in one of the benches.  You come forward, meet your lawyer at the judges desk and the DA tells the judge what his recommendations are for sentencing.  Then your lawyer tries to negotiate a better deal. The judge approves and then it's over. It reminds me a little of the TV show Let's Make a Deal.  "OK Jay, who's going to play today?"  "Well Monty, here we have Frank.  He's a 43 year old man, he's underemployed, his wife threw him out because he's no good, and now she says he's lurking around the house."  "Well Frank, I'm glad you're here; and I'm sure society is too; hahahah." (cue laugh track)  I can offer you a $500 fine for the PFA violation, a $500 fine for the DUI, community service and driver's training classes. How does that sound?"  "Can I trade that for a hard boiled egg?"

8: Wake Up Call

Frank probably would have been content to live in this limbo for a long time. He wasn't a husband and father any longer, but he wasn't divorced yet either. There was still hope that Bill would have an accident or something. Maybe he would fall down the stairs or slip in the tub. Weren't old people always doing that stuff?

It was Saturday and Frank's day off from the phone store. He was having a little picnic in his car and listening to the Phillies game on the radio down the street from the house. He was enjoying the last few bites of his Wawa hoagie and his third Bud when he saw Kat's Cadillac STS coming up the street. He saw Eric in the back seat too. They must be coming from his soccer game, he looked rumpled and sweaty. Hmmm, wonder if Eric is practicing his passing. Eric loved dribbling the ball and shooting for the goal all by himself. He thought he was the whole team. Frank and Eric had been working with the coach on passing too, even though Eric didn't think he needed to do that. "But Dad! Why do I have to pass it, when they're just going to miss the goal? Fine, if you really want us to lose . . ."

Frank wasn't really thinking things through here; if he could see them, they could probably see him too. He actually almost waved. Kind of like a half-mast wave when you're not sure if the other person is going to wave back so you just do it half-way so you don't look like a weirdo waving at nobody.   That is until they locked eyes. Kat looked at Frank like a wolf locks eyes with it's prey. He was sitting there just part of the herd a minute ago, but now he was the prey and it was his wake-up call. Frank realized that he probably shouldn't hang around and see what happens next. He started up the engine of his old red Wrangler and hightailed it out of there. Maybe he could make it back to the house and he would just say, "Nope, wasn't me, I was here all afternoon watching The Great Escape, officer." He made his way out of the neighborhood and pulled out onto the pike toward Upper Darby. The more he thought about what he had done, the more panicked he became; he sped up a bit. He knew Kat too. She didn't let him get away with anything. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." Frank was a tough guy and didn't back down from much, but there was one thing he didn't like at all, cops. They seemed to have a sixth sense for guys like him. Like in the movie, They Live starring Rowdy Roddy Piper, except Frank is the alien and the cops always have their glasses on. Even when he wasn't doing anything at all, he would get nervous and sweaty when there was an officer about and suddenly he looked like he was up to something. He was never the guy who got the brim touch and "nice day." He would get the laser beam look like they wanted to ask him to show his ID.

I wonder if cops practice their looks like supermodel Derek Zoolander played by Ben Stiller. He had four faces, Blue Steel, Ferrari, LeTigre, and his secret weapon, not to be used casually for it was too potent, Magnum. I think they use Blue Steel for everyday routine stops, maybe LeTigre on a pretty girl, Ferrari during a chase and they save Magnum for Frank.

He got about a mile down the pike when he heard them coming for him. There were two cars with sirens blazing. Delaware County Police don't take too kindly to men who violate their Protection From Abuse orders. The children and womenfolk need to be protected from guys like this. Frank made his way to the shoulder before they even got behind him. One car pulled up behind and the other one got in front, just in case he panicked and made a run for it. Unfortunately, Frank never cleaned his car out from the last few nights beer cans in the back seat. That was the first thing they saw. "Sir, could you please step out of the car?"

"Sir, are you aware that your wife has taken out a Protection From Abuse Order against you?" "Umm, I think so." "Sir, were you at your wife's house today?" "Uhhh, uhh . . ." "Sir, can you tell me what you were doing there?" "Uhh, just, uhhh"  "Sir, do you realize that it is considered a crime to come in contact with your wife?" "Uhmm."  "Sir, do you like the term repetitive redundancies?" "Ummm"  "Sir, are you aware of I before E except after C?" "Uh, yeah"  "Sir, gorp murf floop with you?"  What the hell? Their words stopped making sense about five minutes ago.  "Sir, have you had anything to drink today?" "Uh just a, just a, umm . . . beer."  "Sir, can you step over here and I want you to take nine steps heel to toe, then turn and do the same thing coming back."  "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to arrest you for suspicion of DUI and for violating the PFA that your wife has."

Frank was handcuffed and placed in the back of the first car. "Sir, would you like to call anyone?" "Uh, yeah, uh . . . Dave uh Brennan."

7: It Helps to Think We're Sleeping Underneath the Same Big Sky

Once Frank had gone back to his home the first time, it was like a drug.  He couldn't stay away. He soon needed his fix every day. He was emboldened because nothing had happened yet. No one noticed him watching the house or driving by several times a day, not yet anyway. He kind of got into a routine. Get off work at 9:00, drive by the house to make sure the coast was clear. Drive by again to make double sure the coast was clear. Park down the street and walk by and try and see in the windows. Sometimes he would stop by the Shamrock Pub first and get a couple cold six-packs of Bud to keep him company while he watched. The warm yellow light coming from the windows made him feel somehow closer to the kids; they were both being illuminated by the same light. It reminded him of one of Frances' favorite movies when she was little. They watched An American Tale probably a hundred times. It's a story about a little mouse named Fievel who gets separated from his parents and lost but they never stop looking for each other. There's a touching part where little Fievel sings the song "Somewhere Out There". Frank wonders if Frances is thinking about Fievel too. He wasn't normally a praying man, but he found himself looking up at the moon and saying a prayer that they would find one another in that big somewhere out there.

Somewhere Out There
written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil


Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight


Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.


And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star


And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky


Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true.

6: No, I Mentioned the Bisque

Frank went back to his house and unloaded the car. As bad as he felt, one doesn’t just leave a car full of stuff in Upper Darby. Not if you want to keep your windows intact, or your stuff. He threw it all down in the front room of the small row home. The first floor was basically four rooms in a row. First the room with the windows, next the living room, dining room, and at the back was the kitchen. Frank basically slept and went to work for the next week. Luckily, the guys left a futon behind when they moved out so Frank had a place to crash.

It was a bittersweet homecoming. He kind of missed that old house. He remembered how proud he was when he bought it. He was working hard selling Dodge cars from morning until late at night. He was also single and looking for wife material. He thought of the house as kind of wife bait. Plant a little rose bush out front, leave a trail of bread crumbs, and Miss Right would come walking right in. The perfect trap.  It worked, he found a woman who agreed to marry him, but she wasn’t Miss Right, she was Miss Green.

I remember meeting Kat for the first time. Frank brought her over to our house. Matt and I had been married a few years and we had just bought our first house too. We decided to have a little party to show off our new, but half empty house. I wasn’t sure what Frank saw in Kat at first. She seemed kind of bossy and judgmental. She had these eyes that looked everything over but didn’t say anything, like she expected so much better and was disappointed. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine says, “No, I mentioned the bisque.” Like Kat said, “I went to my boyfriends brother’s house, had some drinks, yada yada yada, we went home.”  “Oh!” says Jerry, “You left out the best part.”  “No” says Kat, “I mentioned the drinks.”

In all fairness I did find out what he saw in her later. Frank was impulsive and a little bit of a bad boy. Kat did not allow any nonsense, Frank had to tow the line with her. It was her way or the highway. While some men would rebel against the strict disciplinarian type woman, Frank seemed to enjoy that Kat cared enough to get tough with him. I think he was looking for a woman like his mother and he found her. She guided his career choices, told him what to eat, what to wear, where he could go and when he could go, and who he could go with. She made doctors appointments for him too and made sure he took care of himself; basically she was his new mom, and honestly, she looked the part too. She was good for him though and they seemed like they got along great.

Frank couldn’t help himself. He had to go by the house and see if everything was alright. He missed Frances and Eric terribly. He was also worried. They were probably old enough to stay by themselves for a short time, but still, Frank was the one who was there after school and he was the one who made dinner most nights. What were they doing without him? He also wanted to see Kat again. No matter what, he loved her and missed her. He waited until it was getting dark and parked his car a couple blocks away. He casually strolled down the street and tried to look like he belonged, even though, apparently, he didn’t any longer. He didn’t even think about the consequences if anyone saw him there. He was desperate to know anything about the kids and to see Kat again.

As he got closer he pulled his Phillies cap lower on his eyes and slowed down his pace. The lawn looked a little dry, someone should turn on the sprinkler. The kitchen light is on as usual. It’s eight o’clock so they’re probably getting ready to watch some TV. Frank turns the corner to go down Monroe Avenue on the side of the house to get a look at the garage.  Suddenly, the light goes on in the parlor where the TV is. It’s Bill, in his parlor. Frank can’t help himself, he’s pulled along closer to the house like he’s standing on one of those moving sidewalks at the airport. Frank hops up on top of Eric’s skateboard ramp to get a better look. There’s old Bill sitting in Frank’s chair with Frank’s dog Schmitty. It’s not enough that Bill took his wife, his kids, his house, his life; but now he’s got Schmitty too. That dog always was stupid.

In the old days, Frank might have put his fist right through that window and pulled old Bill out and pummeled him right out of his dancing shoes. Frank put his head down and turned and walked into the shadows back toward the car.

5: Moving Day

Well, Dave did one thing right. He got the guys out of his old house. Frank arranged with the police department to allow him to go to his home and pick up his clothes so he had more than three shirts for work. It was all carefully arranged like clockwork. The police arrived at the house and made sure Kat and the children were safely away from the premises before Frank was allowed to arrive. Two police officers escorted him into the house, presumably to make sure he didn't take anything other than his clothes, while one remained outside in his car. Was he suddenly some violent criminal? They made him feel like Public Enemy No. 1.

Once Frank was in the house, he looked around for any sign of Frances or Eric strewn about. There was his daughter's portable CD player, she had that thing attached to her at all times. Why did she leave it behind? Was it a sign for him? A clue that something was wrong? She was his firstborn, she was his girl, he needed a sign that she was alright. He looked in the kitchen. He and Frances made dinner together most nights. He wasn't a great cook, but there were a few things he could do pretty well. The Francis Layton School of Cooking involved a crock pot, a piece of meat, Campbell's soup and anything else he found in the fridge. Leftover veggies, some potatoes . . . you got a stew going! He walked past Eric's room; it was a mess, as usual. He wanted to go in and roll around in the mess; smell that sweet, familiar scent, to feel at home again. It was almost too much to bear. He remembered the time he spent the whole night in that room with Eric. Kat had gone berserk on him. Eric was only ten, and he stayed out an hour past his curfew. Kat demanded to know where he was and who he was with. The kids knew their mom had a temper and were very careful not to tick her off. Eric lied and said he was at Mrs. Green's house hoping that Kat would take that as an answer and not be angry at him. She called her mom and found out that Eric was lying. She got the truth out of him by beating him with a shoe so hard he sobbed all through the night. Frank stayed with him to comfort him, and to make sure Kat didn't get angry at the crying and come in and start on him again. They all knew how to walk on broken glass by now.

The officer told Frank to hurry and get what he needed, which jolted him out of his daze.  He went into the attic where his clothes were kept. Kat insisted that she needed the entire bedroom closet for her clothes and his clothes were to be kept in the walk-up attic.He packed his things and turned to leave. Walking out the door he started to feel dizzy. A cold, clammy feeling crept up and enveloped him like a dark wave. He felt like he was going to drown; he couldn't breathe. He almost got sick once out on the sidewalk, but he swallowed it down. He couldn't allow himself to feel these feelings, if he let it get to him, he didn't know what would happen. He steeled himself, thanked the officers and got into his car. If they had any shred of sympathy or kindness, they didn't show it. Just all in a day's work for the busy Delaware County Police Department.

4: It's Not Easy Being the Green Family

Frank awoke the next morning in a state of confusion. He slept so soundly, even the constant car alarms and police sirens didn't wake him. It was either the stress of the day or the six-pack nightcap, or both. "Where am I? What day is this?" Then it all came back to him.

Frank was nothing if not resilient. He was confident he would find a way to work things out. He and Kat had certainly had their rough patches and he was sure this was just another. A few years ago he had a fight with Kat's mother. Mrs. Green thought her big-headed daughter was a princess and deserved a prince who would whisk her away to live in castle in the sky . . . and take Mrs. Green to live with them. Frank was not the prince she had envisioned for her life together forever with her precious Kitty Kat and she missed no opportunity to try and put an end to Kat's mistake of her choice of a partner. I don't know what started the argument, but it ended with Mrs. Green punching Frank in the crotch and jumping on his back while Kat's brother Dick shoved him out of their house and into the street. Once Frank got Mrs. Green off his back, he could turn his attention to Dick. Dick was a whole head taller, but Frank was one tough guy. He finished Dick off with a few well-placed blows to the jaw that Dick would not forget, nor forgive. Still, Kat and Frank eventually resumed their relationship with her family, probably for the kids.

Back in his heyday in high school, there was no one who could beat Frank.  Willingboro was a brand new Levit community of neat, tidy houses in a park-like setting.  The beautiful community with brand new homes, schools, roads, and parks with swimming pools and ball fields, along with an affordable price appealed to many families. However, because of the affordability, realtors began funneling inner-city families into Willingboro. Soon the original families began selling out and the town became more like the inner city that the new families were fleeing. Willingboro High School suddenly had robberies and assaults take place right on school grounds.   Frank adjusted just fine. He suddenly had some competition on the football field where he was the star. Back in the 1970s football coaches told the players to lead with their heads. You couldn't punch out your opponent, but you could knock him out with a well-placed head-butt. Frank thrived, he loved nothing more than running, hitting and winning. At practice, his coach and teammates would have to tell him to take it down a notch. "Save it for the game, Frank!" his dad would shout from the sidelines.  If you were on the other side of the line-up, you would have something to fear if you were looking into Frank's blue eyes. This fearless attitude got Frank a full, four-year scholarship to play football in college despite his poor grades in school.

Frank thought that maybe he could just call Kat and pretend it didn't all happen and she would tell him to come home and everything would be good again. He dialed the number he had dialed a hundred times before. This time he was actually nervous though. He got the answering machine, "Kat? It's me, call me." She never answered the phone anyway, no matter who it was, with the exception of Mrs. Green. Ten minutes later Mrs. Green called Frank and told him that a restraining order meant that he was not allowed to call Kat either and if he called again, she was going to call the police and have him arrested. Mrs. Green could not have been more happy to be the one to make that phone call and deliver that news. It was Christmas and her birthday rolled into one big happy day. Kitty Kat could finally be rid of old toad Frank. Right after that Dick called Frank to threaten him. Frank and Dick had gotten into a few altercations with Frank always coming out on top, but this didn't stop idiot Dick from talking smack like he was the one who always won.  "Hey asshole, stay the fuck away from my sister or I'll come over and make you." "Yo, Bring it Little Dick." Dick hated when Frank called him Little Dick. Kat made the mistake of telling us this story that when they were kids, her dad's name was Richard and they called their baby boy Richard Jr. Everyone knew her dad as Dick, so dad became "Big Dick" and her brother "Little Dick". She remembered her mom yelling down the street for him to come home for dinner "Little Dick, dinner!". We were hysterical laughing, but Little Dick, still cringes at the name.

Frank called Dave next. Perhaps Dave could help Frank get rid of the guys who were renting his old house too. When he was single and selling cars for a living, he decided to buy a little row home in the city. If he could evict those guys, he could move back in and be much more comfortable.  Dave was sympathetic, but not surprised at the story Frank told. Dave had been trying to tell him that Kat was up to something and again offered to show him the pictures he took.  Finally, Frank thought that maybe he was ready to see them. Dave wrote him up an eviction notice and gave the guys a month to find a new place to live. The sooner he could move out of the "Bachelor Arms" the better.

3: The Bachelor Arms

Frank had to be at work at the Sprint store later in the afternoon. He didn't know where he would go after that. Probably a motel. Isn't that where Millhouse's dad went to live after he and Luann broke up? The Bachelor Arms, I think. That's not the only similarity with The Simpsons, Kat also had a Pyro in her life.

After Frank finished his shift selling phones in the ghetto neighborhood of Chester, he checked into a cheap flop house. Dingy room, saggy bed, shouting outside. The muffled voices through the walls were the only welcome home.

Kat's friend Vanessa's marriage had recently broken up too. Frank heard Kat talk to Vanessa every day about the continuing saga of their marital drama. Vanessa's husband Dave Brennan was an attorney, but not a successful one; there was just something a little weird about the guy. He was working at the local hardware store for extra cash.  Vanessa's husband Dave has been telling Frank that Kat and Vanessa were hanging around the local Marriot Courtyard at night. Frank didn't want to hear it; he didn't want to upset the fragile balance he was trying to keep in his home. His life, his beloved son and daughter, his home, everything he had in the world were on the line here and he knew it. Dave noticed that Vanessa wasn't coming home after work and was coming home late most nights. He told Frank that not only were they hanging around the hotel, but he had pictures of Vanessa and Kat talking to strange men. Dave told Frank that he thought Vanessa and Kat were earning extra money in prostitution. Frank always thought there was something a little weird about Dave, but this accusation was a little extreme, even for Dave. Dave insisted there were lots of pictures and he would show them to Frank. But still, he couldn't get the image out of his head. Kat, with her short, thick body and dark helmet-like mullet hair-do attracting businessmen at the Marriott?  It was almost laughable. He didn't even know what he ever saw in her. Why, he had never even seen her naked in all their years married. Not on their honeymoon, not once in their fifteen year marriage did she let her guard down. She went into the bathroom to change with the door locked and came to bed fully covered. Dave was sinking to psychotic paranoia due to the stress maybe? Still, Dave was on his list of phone calls to make the next morning.