55: Hospital Attempts to Send FTD Sufferer to Jail

We failed to get any spousal support from Frank's wife to help pay for a private nursing home. This unfortunately left Frank in the hospital with no therapy and very little human contact beyond feeding and changing diapers. We tried to have him moved to a hospital near us but since FTD does not require medical care, no hospital could admit him. The social worker at the hospital wasn't helping at all and finally the hospital administrators became frustrated with their situation. They couldn't help Frank, he did not require medical treatments, so they couldn't bill Medicare for anything. They felt Frank was a losing proposition for them in a time when many hospitals are desperately crunching numbers. They sent a letter to the district attorney and the judge in his criminal case from the alleged violation of the PFA Kat had against him. They stated that they could no longer care for him and requested that the judge transfer him back to prison. It's unbelievable that a hospital would make this request knowing that a prison is ill-equipped to care for a dementia sufferer. As a matter of fact, Frank was very near death from malnourishment when he left jail. Thankfully the warden refused to accept him back, knowing that he would debilitate further if admitted back to the prison, even in their hospital ward.

This close call made us finally realize that we had to make a tough choice. We had to make a decision to do not what was the best for Frank, but the best we could do for him. This meant looking further away for his care, to a place that we could not visit often. In the course of my job,  I knew of a nursing home owned and operated by the state of Pennsylvania called South Mountain Restoration Center. They take difficult cases like people with mental illness that many other nursing homes do not accept. The good thing is they take Medicare, so it wouldn't cost any more than what Frank had. They also have a good reputation for providing proper care and treatment. The bad thing is that it's a three hour drive from our home, which turns into a six hour drive when you make a round-trip. With working and taking care of our family, this will limit our ability to see Frank as often as we had been, which was once or twice a week.

Watching Frank waste away in the hospital was difficult, with the pressure from the hospital to discharge him, we knew we had to make this sacrifice. Matt called the hospital social worker and asked her to call South Mountain to see if they would consider admitting him. She had never heard of it, which is surprising since it's the only nursing home in the entire state that is run by the state, but she agreed to try.  By the end of the day we had our answer; they had an open bed and they would accept Frank. He was to be transferred via ambulance by the end of the week.

It was bittersweet. We knew we were doing the best thing we could do for Frank, but it was sad knowing that he would be so far away. Frank didn't know what was happening and didn't seem to comprehend any communication. Still one wonders if he can hear and understand but can't express the acknowledgement.

The social worker from South Mountain called Matt to introduce himself and let us know that Frank was doing great and getting used to the place. They go for walks outside on the grounds and have group therapy and physical therapy to try to regain some strength. He says that they will call and include Matt in the monthly team meeting so Matt can be part of the team planning Frank's care and treatment. The psychiatrist also called to introduce himself and asked for information about Frank and the progression of his disease and his former life. We're very impressed at the level of communication and the concern they have for giving Frank the best treatment they can provide for him. Matt creates a scrapbook of Frank's life. Starting with a family picture from when they were young, football pictures throughout the years, Frank in his trendy mauve tuxedo at the senior prom flashing those dapper dimples, then a few pictures of Frank and his children. We wanted the staff to know that this is the Frank that we know; he's handsome and athletic and a family man, he's not this shell that's left.

Matt arranged a road trip with his brothers to go visit Frank about a month after he was admitted. They meet at our house before starting out on the three hour trip. They stop and have lunch in Gettysburg, just outside of South Mountain, before driving up the windy, hilly road toward the nursing home.

South Mountain Restoration Center is a grand old piece of 1930s architecture built at the top of the Blue Ridge Mountains with beautiful scenery as far as you can see. They go in through the heavy doors and into the white carrera marble clad foyer. The security guard gives them directions on how to find Frank's room. They find Frank sitting in the dayhall in a comfortable geri-chair. They call out to him but he doesn't respond or react. The brothers pretend nothing is wrong and pick Frank up by the arms and walk around the halls with him, helping him along the corridor in a slow procession trying to pretend that nothing has changed. They're cracking jokes and laughing like they would have done ten years ago, before life changed for Frank. Poop falls unexpectedly from beneath Frank's robe onto the floor, which send them all into fits of laughter. Often in times of stress, humor is the way people arm themselves to prevent the reality of the situation from knocking them down. Many years ago when my great-aunt, my grandmother's sister, died we had a similar reaction. She was a very sweet, kind woman and lived a few houses down the street from us when we were growing up. She unexpectedly passed away, and it was very sad. At the funeral mass I sat next to my sister, and while we were very sad, one of us made a comment about going across the street to get water ice at Marcy's Water Ice and somehow, it sent us both into fits of hysterical, silent laughter that we couldn't stop. We were convulsing in laughter with tears streaming down our faces at the silly thought of getting some of that delicious icy treat during the funeral. Finally, my brother left his seat two pews in front of us to come back and reprimand us for our inappropriate behavior. We told him what was so funny, and instead of putting an end to our silliness, he started laughing too and in the end all three of us had to leave the church and go outside for fear of laughing out loud. I don't know why, but it seems things that are mildly funny any other place are really hysterical in church, or any other place that is not supposed to be funny, like a nursing home.

President & Mrs. Eisenhower

The battle of South Mountain was fought in September, 1862 as General McClellan closed in on General Lee. The Battle of Gettysburg was fought in July, 1863. For those interested in military strategy, Gettysburg is a fascinating, yet sad place.  A best-selling book called "The Killer Angels" was written about the Battle of Gettysburg and a movie starring Jeff Daniels was made based on this book. This is also, of course, the place of Lincoln's famous Gettysburg Address. Another little known fact is that after he left office, President Eisenhower retired in Gettysburg to his farm right on the battlefield that he had purchased in 1950. He hosted many international dignitaries showing off his prized Black Angus cattle to people such as Nikita Khrushchev, Charles DeGaulle, Winston Churchill and Ronald Reagan. His home is now kept as a museum. It is a quaint little town and a huge tourist attraction for civil war buffs, especially in the summer for the re-enactment of the battle.

Visiting Frank was tedious, but Matt planned to make the trip as often as possible. Being able to tour Gettysburg added a small reward for the long drive.